If the people who'd truly get you are one in a million, there are 8,000 of them alive right now.
And the thing is, you don't need to find all 8,000. You don't even need to find 8. For most of us, a handful of people is enough.
Right now, your handful are somewhere being people. Sleeping, or running errands, or half-listening on a Zoom call. One of them could be reading this at the same time you are.
Now, what are the odds you’ll find them in this lifetime? Statistically, very good.
People find each other at 8 and 28 and 68. In classrooms and apartment hallways, at grocery stores and dog parks, in rooms they almost didn't walk into. We find each other while grieving the loss of someone else, while learning how to be alone, while actively avoiding people (ironically).
So we are gonna bet, no matter your circumstance, there are people you haven't met yet who may someday know exactly how you take your coffee. We’re like 92% sure.
A QUICK CHECK-IN
If the odds of finding your people are actually pretty good, what makes them feel so much lower?
- 👋🏼 Starting (everyone already seems to have their people)
- 📆 Finding time (nobody’s free until October)
- 👻 Keeping it going (one great hangout, then months of silence)
- 💬 Reconnecting (the longer it’s been, the harder it is to text first)
- 🪫 Having the energy (I want people, and people wear me out)
- 🤗 Getting close (lots of catching up, not much real talk)
Whichever one you picked, notice what it actually is: a timing problem, an energy problem, a courage problem. Not one of them is a you problem.
Your future people are tapping the same options. So starting feels impossible, on both ends. But the reality is, it’s just hard…
The good thing about hard things is they can be overcome.
AN AFFIRMATION
For the days the world feels less like eight billion people and more like open water:
Every friend I’ve ever had was once a stranger I crossed whole distances of not-knowing to reach. When I’m ready to step back into the expanse, I know the vastness will not swallow me.
You are not hoping you can do this. You are remembering.
A FEW PROMPTS TO SIT WITH
Memory responds well to good questions. These five move through time and each one tends to surface a name or two. Take them slowly, one is plenty, and see who shows up. Your ReachLink journal can hold whoever does.
Who would I call at 3am? Who would call me? Are those the same list?
Who knows how I actually am this week? Who used to? What changed?
Who do I miss right now? What story am I telling myself about why I can't reach out?
When did I last make a new friend, and what were the conditions that allowed it?
Where in my week do I already see the same humans over and over? What's one degree warmer than what I do now?
SOMEONE WHO GETS IT
Some of our people arrive by chance. The rest, we go looking for.
Right now, you might just need a room without the friction of pretending. A place to show up exactly as you are, among people who have actively chosen to do the same.
Or maybe what you need is one dedicated person to bypass the surface level entirely. Someone you don't have to warm up to, or worry about asking too much of. Someone trained to sit with you through all the heavy.
Serendipity is beautiful, but it's slow. You don't have to spend your life waiting for the right person to wander into the right place at the right time. You can just choose the room.
IF YOU WANT TO GO DEEPER
The distance between stranger and friend is made up of smaller distances: from alone to around people, from hello to conversation, from knowing someone to being known. These reads explore what happens along the way.
What happens when you have too few close friends. There may be a number below which your social world starts working differently. Here’s what the research says about how small is too small.
Why you feel lonely in a room full of people. You can have plans every weekend and still feel profoundly alone. The missing ingredient may have less to do with how many people you see than what happens when you’re together.
What making friends as an adult actually requires. Adult friendship isn’t impossible, but it does operate under different conditions. Here’s what actually turns repeated encounters into people you’d call at 3 a.m.
Conversation starters. Because sometimes the only thing standing between two strangers is one person saying something better than “So, what do you do?”
The power of stranger connections for mental wellness. The person you exchange three sentences with may never become your friend, and the interaction can still matter more than you think. The science of the tiny connections we tend to dismiss.
Some small wishes for your next two weeks:
May an old name light up your phone unprompted.
May elevator small talk run one sentence past the weather.
May a plan survive all the way to the actual day.
May you be someone's "I was just thinking about you."
May someone surprise you by staying.
And may you allow it to be that easy.
Until next time.
P.S. I'm Lorraine, the human who’s been writing these ReachLink emails to you since April. I like my coffee black, three teaspoons strong in a small cup. Yours? Tell me at [email protected]
